ToonPass
Toon Pass! I like cartoons. I know you can tell that from my neckbeard, chubby belly, and incredibly stylish neckbeard, but I still want to say it. Because adults who like cartoons get a bad rap among the general public these days: we’re treated like outcasts and perverts, just because we watch My Little Pony every once in a while. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Cartoons can be an art form, just like any other type of media. Think about the Disney classics, the films of Hayao Miyazaki, and even classics like The Flintstones and The Simpsons. There’s nothing inherently lesser about animation, and I think it’s time that society starts to recognize that this genre isn’t just the domain of children and sex-obsessed basement dwellers. That being said, do you know what I think most cartoons are lacking these days? Sex. Full on, hardcore sex scenes. I know that’s a hard sell in a genre that’s typically family-friendly, but hey: us neckbeards need to be pandered to as well. Thankfully, there are porn sites like Toon Pass that bridge that gap.
Just Like Your Favorite Cartoons, But With A Little Extra
Toon Pass gives you porn that’s exactly what you would expect it to be. It’s animated, and it’s porn. That’s basically the beginning and end of the criteria for inclusion on the site. Oh, that, and most importantly of all, quality. Where the site really shines is the fact that it’s a closed garden of golden animated porn. It’s a curated collection, not one of those open-upload sites, so if you click on any given video there’s a ninety-nine percent chance that it’s going to be worth watching (and, most importantly, worth masturbating to). There’s a good mixture of Western-style and anime-style porn here, alongside a fairly robust collection of 3D animation. Beyond that, the sky is the limit: there’s tame porn that just has consensual sex in the missionary position, light fetish and bondage stuff, and then the mind-control rapey stuff that you have to pretend you hate for decencies sake but really love to jerk off to when the blinds are closed and the night is old.
Wait A Minute… Something’s Missing
Toon Pass is missing some fairly major features. There are no categories at all. This alone isn’t a huge issue, being that there are tags that fill basically the same function, but there isn’t any page featuring a listing of the tags. You can search for terms and hope that they exist as tags, or click through from any tags that are attached to videos, but there’s no comprehensive listing of all of the tags the site offers. This makes finding something specific, especially if you aren’t even sure if the site has it, needlessly difficult. Thankfully, since this is a niche site rather than a site that just contains porn in general, this isn’t as huge of a deal as it might be elsewhere. You’re here because you like animated porn, and all of the porn on Toon Pass is animated. Being able to search with a bit of specificity would be a welcome addition, but the quality of pretty much every video is good enough that this misstep by no means ruins the site.
A Bait And Switch
That being said, I’m going to complain about something else. Don’t get me wrong. I love Toon Pass. Just ask my dick: I’ve spent so much time on the site that it’s been rubbed raw and it’s currently begging for mercy. But still, I have to say: the false advertising the site uses should be criminal. Before you sign up, you see a landing page filled with thumbnails of videos featuring licensed content. There’s a picture of Wonder Woman taking a huge cumshot between her tits, Leela from Futurama undressing, and one of those weird blue alien girls from Avatar sucking a similarly blue dick. But then you get on the site, and none of this is anywhere to be found. The content is great, but almost none of it uses these licensed characters. I’ve seen a video featuring Mario characters and one that claims to have X-men in it (but clearly doesn’t), but even these are few and far between. I’m sure this has something to do with copyright laws, but why the bait and switch? I don’t need to jerk off to recognizable characters, but if you’re going to try to take my money by leading to believe that I can, that’s what I expect. But, again, this doesn’t really ruin the site. Just know that if you’re here just to jerk off to your favorite cartoon character and nothing else, you might be disappointed. You’ll have to go back to using your favorite episode in conjunction with your imagination, because you’re not going to find Marge Simpson taking dick here.
Paying The Cable Bill
Just like you have to pay Comcast or Crunchyroll to get access to the best clean cartoons and anime, you’ll have to open up your wallet a little bit to get into Toon Pass. But, when you consider all of the amazing content the site has, that’s probably fair. At the very least it’s better than paying the cable company eighty bucks a month to watch the same Simpsons and Futurama reruns that you’ve been watching for the past decade. If my review hasn’t convinced you yet, or if you’re just looking to dip your toes in the water of animated porn, Toon Pass has a one dollar per day trial that might be of use to you. But, believe me: once you stop pretending that you’re a normal person who doesn’t jerk off to cartoons, you’ll want a long-term subscription. So take my advice: give up on life, stop pretending, and dive right in. The water is warm, and the Mountain Dew is cold. When you’re finally ready to commit, you’ll find that the longer subscription terms are a much better choice. You can save a little bit of money by going month-to-month (compared to chaining single day trials), but the real savings start to come in the longer you commit. You’ll save a tiny bit more signing up for three months at a time, but the real value deal here is the twelve-month membership. At less than a third of the price of a month-to-month subscription, it’s a no brainer. Let’s face it: if you’re still reading, you’re considering this deeply enough that you’re not the type that actually gets laid regularly. You’re a PornGeek, not a PornDude. So just accept it and sign up for a year. Your wallet will thank you, and you can use the savings to pick up another body pillow or sex doll. It might not be the same as a real woman, but if you’re jerking off to cartoons, that’s probably not a realistic goal in the first place.
Bonus Features
Still not convinced? Well, don’t try to turn your life around just yet, there’s plenty of extra content that comes with your membership. If you’re at all like me, when you take the rest of what you get into account your subscription to Toon Pass will give you enough content to keep you hidden in the darkness of your basement for years. Just make sure you empty your piss jugs and wash your cum rags every once in a while, otherwise, the smell is going to keep people from wanting to come down there with you. Not that they would anyways, but I digress. When you pay for Toon Pass, you also get access to three other similar porn sites. They all have the same design, quality, and features that Toon Pass has, so I won’t bore you with details: though, admittedly, that’s probably more because I want to stop typing and get back to jerking off than it is because you don’t deserve to hear more about these sites. So let’s split the difference: I’ll give you a sentence about each. You’ve got CrazyToonSex, which is similar to Toon Pass but has a bit more extreme content: think tentacles, monsters, and a little bit of violence for good measure. Next up is Hentai Temple, which can be simply described as the Japanese equivalent of Toon Pass. Then, last but not least, you’ve got Futanari Sluts: this one is a bit more fetish-oriented, being that futanari is a genre of porn featuring chicks with dicks, but don’t judge. Or at least judge after you’ve finished jacking off, that’s probably fair. Is that good enough? There’s a video called “Monster boobed hentai girls getting fucked” that’s piquing my interest, so I don’t really care if it is. Time to get down to business.
